My version of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ looks more like Taco Bell, Practice Novel, Tentacle Porn

Why would you want to read the latest Oates or Grisham when you can choke down some schlubb's amateur musings? Good question. Does anyone else feel a non sequitur coming on? Which brings me to my next point .... lately, I've been trying to think of how to share some of my serious fiction work with …

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Chuck Wendig was right: my self-publishing cautionary tale

OK, I've had about four-and-a-half years to think about this, and I've decided that Chuck Wendig was right. You might be thinking "who gives a shit?" but hear me out. Way back in 2012, a frustrated journalist working on a couple of humor essay collections stumbled across a blog post entitled: "Why your self-published book …

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I’m glad I killed my dreams, and other writing advice not from Samuel L. Jackson

  What's that, you ask? What did I do about those pesky flashbacks in my soon-to-be nowhere-near-ready-for-querying-agents historical adventure novel? To quote the great Samuel L. Jackson as Carl Lee Hailey in the movie A Time To Kill: "Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell!" When writing the two rather …

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What I’ve learned since moving to Lansing

I've learned a lot about the City of Lansing (population 114,297) in the six months I've been here. The wife and I came down from Charlevoix County (population 26,000) this spring after the state made her an offer she couldn't refuse. I, being an aspiring novelist (deadbeat) and full-time hypochondriac shut-in, can work (Breaking Bad …

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Celebrating humor this 2016 #ComedyBookWeek

I love to laugh. OK, who doesn't, right? But, for me, it's an obsession; which is why I'm so excited for the upcoming 2016 Annual Comedy Book Week, July 16-23, organized by Ana Spoke, author of Indiot and Shizzle Inc. https://anaspoke.com/ More info here https://comedybookweek.com/ Sure, I have other important things in my life, a wife and …

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Middle-aged politics or Gohsarchy in the USA!

Just in time for the 2016 presidential race, yet another jackass with all the answers—ME! Though often wrongfully attributed to Winston Churchill (and, really, what isn’t wrongfully attributed to the chubby little drunk?) the axiom that one who is not a liberal when young has no heart, and one who is not a conservative in …

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‘Frickin 40’ middle age humor book selections take state press award

I published three selections from "Frickin 40: Funny Stories About Middle Age" in the Boyne City Gazette newspaper under my "Don't Get Me Wrong" column last year and it looks like I won Best Column in the Michigan Press Association Better Newspaper Contest for a Class D Publication in 2015. I would have preferred Newspaper …

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Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Michael Meyers and Leatherface … on vacation

What do famous movie killers do in their downtime? They slash, they stab, they saw, and they are all around inconsiderate to the rest of society. While Jason, Freddy, Mike and Bubba (aka Leatherface) do spend a good deal of their time terrorizing the populace, murder isn’t their only love. For the first time (and …

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Realistic descriptions of 53 Disney movies

Insomnia strikes again. Instead of using all those hours I cannot sleep to work on my big epic slavery novel—yes, there really is one in bits and pieces—I decided to write more realistic descriptions for some of Disney's biggest movies. Why? Not even my therapist knows. Please enjoy this bit of self-sabotage. Woodland communists pilfer …

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