Interview with Vlad Tepes: Dracula the un-untold story

Historical fact: Vlad Tepes is in the all-time top 10 list of biggest A-holes. Marty, there’s something wrong with your kids: they keep making terrible a-historical movie versions of Vlad Tepes, aka Dracula In the wake of Hollywood’s latest a-historical stink-fest revolving around a certain Romanian Prince—I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with 2014’s …

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Does your author platform come with a noose?

I'm staging an intervention and I need your help. It's not for a heroin addict or a pill popper. We won't be drying out any alcoholics or de-icing a meth head. The party that needs intervening in this case is a rootin-tootin', platform-building, social media whoring, blogging, bragging, taco-eating, bourbon-swilling, essay-writing need-machine—me. I know what …

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Bacteria, bullets and birthday cake: the week I turned 40

I don’t usually celebrate birthdays but a man only reaches the four-decade mark once; twice, if he lives to 80, but Taco Bell and cherry whiskey know that ain’t happening. A glutton always, I decided to go with what the young people call a "birthday week." It’s generally reserved for royalty but, if some snot-nosed, …

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40 questions all white people need to answer

Why do white people like guacamole so much? Why do they call it "guac'?" What's the deal with hot glue guns? I came across a Buzzfeed post the other day entitled "40 questions that all white people need to answer." (original seen here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/40-questions-for-white-people ) Always the helpful type, I decided to answer them. After …

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Sorry, Cosmo: I can’t be the Head Bitch in Charge of my click

I read a piece on Cosmopolitan magazine's website the other day by Laura Beck entitled “18 reasons you're the HBiC of your clique.” http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/news/a35664/signs-youre-the-hbic/ As hopeful as I was heading into this piece, it is with much chagrin that I admit I am not the Head Bitch in Charge of my clique. At first I …

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The worst wedding vows ever … and I’m not changing them

When you're married and you get to middle-age, you're usually not too far off from one of two things: divorce or vow renewal. While I haven't had the pleasure of either, I have spoken with veterans of both endeavors who assure me that each path harbors its own sinister pitfalls. On the off chance that …

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