I wrote this battle rap today for Hillary Clinton to use at the first 2016 U.S. Presidential General Election debate with Donald J. Trump. It’s written to the beat of this classic tune by Mobb Deep:
Donald says he gonna tell the truth about me
late-night Twitter rants, says I’m Crooked Hillary
Listin off skeletons in my political closet
telephone tough guys always love to talk shit
OK, you wanna speak the real truth
Donald so confused he could mystify Dr. Ruth
Typical GOP obsessed with my history
Lemme break down on the bitch known as HRC
E-mails, Vince Foster, Benghazi, White Water …
At least I never said that I’d date my own fuckin’ daughter!
You give me shit cuz Bill likes to cheat on me?
At least he didn’t order his wife from JC Penney
How many wives have you bought through the mail?
Price check. Aisle three. Yugoslavian tail!
For a dude with big hands you can’t keep your ladies
Is that cuz little Don ain’t worked since the ’80s?
You call me crooked, you pathological liar?
You wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you on the underwire
of your man-bra that holds up your man-tits
I have the vee-jay but you is the little bitch
Make America Great Again, “Believe me!” you say?
You lie so damn much I’d sooner trust your toupee
Trump water, Trump planes, Trump steak, Trump college
if bullshit was brains you’d be stinkin’ with knowledge
You ain’t alla that, angry little turd
Another billionaire’s baby born on third
Got a million-dollar loan from ya racist-ass Pops
think you self-made cuz ya name on tower tops
The only thing worse than your lies is the hate
Buildin’ walls, deportin’ folks, that ain’t make you great
That shit is small, like Third World thugs
And pissed off Oompa-Loompas with fake-as-fuck rugs
I admit we’ve had our share of injustice and hate
But in spite of it all, we’re already pretty great
Times is tough but we can beat this slump
Somethin’ this precious too good for you, Chump!
I am available to write battle raps for bar mitzvahs, children’s birthday parties and state senate races as well.