Dance like…

Dance like …

  1. you need the money for bread and diapers.
  2. you’re an angry teenager in a warehouse.
  3. you have ants in your pants.
  4. you’re Michael J. Fox … at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance.
  5. an Egyptian. (The Third Century kind, not those poor bastards over there now.)
  6. a fat guy rubbing his nipples is watching you through binoculars.
  7. Hillary Clinton and Marco Rubio faced off in a Hell in the Cell match … against Undertaker and Mick Foley.
  8. Stephen Colbert came back to his goddamn senses.
  9. Jimmy Fallon announced his retirement.
  10. Plotchman’s came out with a new flavor of mustard.
  11. Jenny McCarthy contracted Polio.
  12. One a dem re-tods from hovvid yod!
  13. Your uncle just did his famous Jamaican guy accent.
  14. The cheese is free.
  15. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
  16. Yo mama.
  17. His mama.
  18. I stuffed a dollar in your pants.
  19. The hip surgery was a success.
  20. You wish someone would perform the Heimlich on you.
  21. Michael Jackson (before he died, not now)
  22. David Bowie. “Let’s dance!” (Also before he died)
  23. Men Without Hats are in the house. It’s OK, you can dance if you want to.
  24. Gene Wilder and Peter Boyle. “Puttin’ on the Ritz!”
  25. Tom Petty’s singing about Mary Jane again. (Jesus, he’s dead too?)
  26. There are bees everywhere, and they’re sting-crazy. (RIP, Tommy Boy)
  27. You’re trying to make your wife laugh even though she’s really mad at you for screwing up the taxes and overpaying by like $1,250. (Oops)